Zombies

[pasithea]

You are in a mall when the zombies attack. You have:

1. one weapon.
2. one song blasting on the speakers.
3. one famous person to fight alongside you.

1) Flail. Definitely. Hard to break, easy to use, shatters bones. Swords will go dull, possibly break or fail to cut through dried leathery skin. Guns run out of bullets. Maces have less inertia. Yeah. Definitely flail. Quarter staff in a pinch.

2) Something totally inappropriate to the situation to give it a really odd vibe. Maybe Tiny Tim singing 'Tiptoe through the Tulips' or something like that.

3) Count Dracula. Better to be an eternally beautiful vampire with my mind intact and superhuman strength to rip the zombies apart than to be a mindless zombie. And if there's zombies in the world, why not vampires? Though I'd settle for Merlin or anyone with a starship.

Comments

[ff00ff.livejournal.com]

1) A really nice craftsman brand name type hammer, or if I may be allowed the extravagance of a real medieval weapon, then a flanged mace, for it's better reach.

2) Led Zeppelin's All of My Love, for the same inappropriate reason as you, only slightly more metal.

3)Kick boxing world champion Ernesto Hoost. I think Kick Boxing might be the perfect martial art for at very least keeping zombies at bay, and should he fall and become one of the hungry dead his fighting style requires much more agility than a zombie has, so he'd be just another one of them. . . . well, one of them with really big calf muscles.


I think your choice of a flail is a little ill advised, it takes room to swing that thing, I don't really trust weapons on the end of a chain they seem really hard to get the proper hang of. I'm pretty sure the flail was developed for use by mounted soldiers, besides, the flexible chain ensuring that the weapon wouldn't cause some kind of lever action to unhorse the rider, the way a lance sometimes could.

[ff00ff.livejournal.com]

Also, I think your selection of famous person violates the spirit of survival horror that this meme was posed in, but good answers if you don't want to stick to genre cliché.

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

A mace is a pretty good choice and you're right about the problems with the chain on the flail, though honestly I wouldn't want zombies close to me so the extra required range isn't a bad thing. Also, with the head not directly attached to the handle, it's easier to use it jam a door or that sort of thing. Plus you can build up inertia by swinging it in circles so I'm imagining it's a little better if you're fatigued.

I suppose though, that I am overlooking the possibilities of weapons made with modern materials. even though they're rotting, one presumes zombies need muscles and a nervous system to animate. Risen gas would destroy their brains and probably stop them. Or you could get a sword that has a carbon-fiber core and replacable tungensten-steel dimond-edged blades (Brittle but sharp) Would cut through them like warm butter and probably stay pretty sharp. But if we're going to talk about ridiculous blade weapons, might as well go with a lightsabre.

A mace, club, baseball bat, crowbar, or something similar should be available just about everywhere. Actually, except for being unweildly, a crowbar is a pretty good weapon. Nearly unbreakable. Hard and heavy with a narrow profile for maximum PSI. It'd break bones nicely. Unscrew the handle from a fireplace poker and wrap a bunch of tape around the handle and you've probably got about the best weapon possible for fighting zombies. It has a strong steel bar to break bone and an end to jab with and a 'pick' if you wanted to try just penetrating their skulls. Though I guess that's basically a flanged mace, more or less. :)

Hmm. Well. If I can't have Dracula, as I said in Paka's journal. Danny DeVito is a good choice. He always plays the sleazy character who gets killed in the movie so by raw body counts, he'd up your chances of survival. :)

Practically speaking, of course, the best famous person you could have with you is George Bush. He's such a momma's boy that you know he'd have a hundred secret servicemen nearby and if not... At least you'd have a chance to see him torn apart by zombies. :)

Your third choice for famous person

[ff00ff.livejournal.com]

Ooh, George Bush, the zombies wouldn't be able to smell his brains, he might have a real tactical advantage there!

Re: Your third choice for famous person

[doodlesthegreat.livejournal.com]

You can't smell rocks.

Re: Your third choice for famous person

[murrypurryfurry.livejournal.com]

Unless they are made of sulfur :(

Re: Your third choice for famous person

[ff00ff.livejournal.com]

That was the implication, doodles, yes.

[prickvixen.livejournal.com]

I think that song works really well, actually. :) I have a couple of flanged maces you can borrow, along with the Led Zeppelin album.

[ff00ff.livejournal.com]

Excellent. I don't know Ernesto Hoost personally, so I think you'd do fine in a pinch :)

[prickvixen.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I have your confidence. I have big calf muscles, too.

I think I should point out that I'm not in the SCA or anything fruity like that... I just thought it might be a good idea to have some maces and flails around. Maybe to swat people who collect broadswords and katanas.

[ff00ff.livejournal.com]

A mace is an eminently practical weapon. I prefer the finesse of a rapier, as I think I've mentioned before, but that's no good against zombies, is it?

I demand photographs of you posing with said maces in either menacing ways, or in ways where the mace is positioned such that it is casually dangling between your legs as a surrogate penis. Preferably you should be well oiled and wearing as little clothing as possible. Chain mail bikini is a +

[prickvixen.livejournal.com]

I think I have some old photographs along those lines, in fact... all except the chain mail bikini.

[ff00ff.livejournal.com]

Well then I think you best get looking for them.

[murrypurryfurry.livejournal.com]

Weapon: Mossberg 590 shotgun. Shotguns and large hammers are the only apropriate weapons for hunting zombies. If I can't find more shotgun shells in the mall, then I'm probably doing something wrong - and even when out of ammo it'd be a decent club.

Song: The Monster Mash. . . because I mean come on - seriously, why not?

Person: John McCain. I could send him out among the zombies who would mistake him for one of their own - valuable for recon.

[ff00ff.livejournal.com]

See, I was going to pick a gun initially myself. A mall here in Arizona always contains a goddamned armory of firearms and ammunition in the form of "sporting goods" stores, but I'm not sure it's like that everywhere. If I was in a mall here in AZ I'd agree with your decision to go for a shotgun.

[murrypurryfurry.livejournal.com]

The sort of stuff they sell in our "Sporting goods" Stores would have us believe that the Red Army were all just a bunch of outdoorsmen.

[ff00ff.livejournal.com]

Yes, it must have been a hell of a game for a bunch of "sportsmen" to defeat the Tzar!

[prickvixen.livejournal.com]

Just to recap, while we were walking around the streets of Chinatown, I came up with:

1. One of those big rescue saws with the huge circular blade.

2. Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries.'

3. TV's Frank. This is the most important element, of course, for besides providing the requisite deadpan solemnity to the occasion, Frank will in fact be singing the aforementioned 'Ride' while I'm chopping zombies into easy-to-store pieces.

If I thought about it for more than ten seconds, I might be able to come up with something more clever, but I'm feeling too lazy.

[ff00ff.livejournal.com]

Wow, that rescue saw is going to make a *mess* better check with the DM to make sure if it's ok if you also get to have one of your gas masks on.

[prickvixen.livejournal.com]

I don't know about that... it would lower visibility. In that case I'd need to have a full rubber outfit on, with lots of bulbous regions, all greased up in silicone, so the zombies couldn't get a purchase on my body with their grimy claws. *nods*

[ff00ff.livejournal.com]

Well, at the very least, when you're sawing a zombies head in half, make sure you keep your mouth closed tightly in concentration, rather than opening it to whoop exuberantly, because zombie saw dust has got to taste disgusting.