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Zombies
You are in a mall when the zombies attack. You have:
1. one weapon.
2. one song blasting on the speakers.
3. one famous person to fight alongside you.
1) Flail. Definitely. Hard to break, easy to use, shatters bones. Swords will go dull, possibly break or fail to cut through dried leathery skin. Guns run out of bullets. Maces have less inertia. Yeah. Definitely flail. Quarter staff in a pinch.
2) Something totally inappropriate to the situation to give it a really odd vibe. Maybe Tiny Tim singing 'Tiptoe through the Tulips' or something like that.
3) Count Dracula. Better to be an eternally beautiful vampire with my mind intact and superhuman strength to rip the zombies apart than to be a mindless zombie. And if there's zombies in the world, why not vampires? Though I'd settle for Merlin or anyone with a starship.
1. one weapon.
2. one song blasting on the speakers.
3. one famous person to fight alongside you.
1) Flail. Definitely. Hard to break, easy to use, shatters bones. Swords will go dull, possibly break or fail to cut through dried leathery skin. Guns run out of bullets. Maces have less inertia. Yeah. Definitely flail. Quarter staff in a pinch.
2) Something totally inappropriate to the situation to give it a really odd vibe. Maybe Tiny Tim singing 'Tiptoe through the Tulips' or something like that.
3) Count Dracula. Better to be an eternally beautiful vampire with my mind intact and superhuman strength to rip the zombies apart than to be a mindless zombie. And if there's zombies in the world, why not vampires? Though I'd settle for Merlin or anyone with a starship.
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2) Led Zeppelin's All of My Love, for the same inappropriate reason as you, only slightly more metal.
3)Kick boxing world champion Ernesto Hoost. I think Kick Boxing might be the perfect martial art for at very least keeping zombies at bay, and should he fall and become one of the hungry dead his fighting style requires much more agility than a zombie has, so he'd be just another one of them. . . . well, one of them with really big calf muscles.
I think your choice of a flail is a little ill advised, it takes room to swing that thing, I don't really trust weapons on the end of a chain they seem really hard to get the proper hang of. I'm pretty sure the flail was developed for use by mounted soldiers, besides, the flexible chain ensuring that the weapon wouldn't cause some kind of lever action to unhorse the rider, the way a lance sometimes could.
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I suppose though, that I am overlooking the possibilities of weapons made with modern materials. even though they're rotting, one presumes zombies need muscles and a nervous system to animate. Risen gas would destroy their brains and probably stop them. Or you could get a sword that has a carbon-fiber core and replacable tungensten-steel dimond-edged blades (Brittle but sharp) Would cut through them like warm butter and probably stay pretty sharp. But if we're going to talk about ridiculous blade weapons, might as well go with a lightsabre.
A mace, club, baseball bat, crowbar, or something similar should be available just about everywhere. Actually, except for being unweildly, a crowbar is a pretty good weapon. Nearly unbreakable. Hard and heavy with a narrow profile for maximum PSI. It'd break bones nicely. Unscrew the handle from a fireplace poker and wrap a bunch of tape around the handle and you've probably got about the best weapon possible for fighting zombies. It has a strong steel bar to break bone and an end to jab with and a 'pick' if you wanted to try just penetrating their skulls. Though I guess that's basically a flanged mace, more or less. :)
Hmm. Well. If I can't have Dracula, as I said in Paka's journal. Danny DeVito is a good choice. He always plays the sleazy character who gets killed in the movie so by raw body counts, he'd up your chances of survival. :)
Practically speaking, of course, the best famous person you could have with you is George Bush. He's such a momma's boy that you know he'd have a hundred secret servicemen nearby and if not... At least you'd have a chance to see him torn apart by zombies. :)
Your third choice for famous person
Re: Your third choice for famous person
Re: Your third choice for famous person
Re: Your third choice for famous person
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I think I should point out that I'm not in the SCA or anything fruity like that... I just thought it might be a good idea to have some maces and flails around. Maybe to swat people who collect broadswords and katanas.
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I demand photographs of you posing with said maces in either menacing ways, or in ways where the mace is positioned such that it is casually dangling between your legs as a surrogate penis. Preferably you should be well oiled and wearing as little clothing as possible. Chain mail bikini is a +
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Song: The Monster Mash. . . because I mean come on - seriously, why not?
Person: John McCain. I could send him out among the zombies who would mistake him for one of their own - valuable for recon.
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1. One of those big rescue saws with the huge circular blade.
2. Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries.'
3. TV's Frank. This is the most important element, of course, for besides providing the requisite deadpan solemnity to the occasion, Frank will in fact be singing the aforementioned 'Ride' while I'm chopping zombies into easy-to-store pieces.
If I thought about it for more than ten seconds, I might be able to come up with something more clever, but I'm feeling too lazy.
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