Eye of the Storm

[pasithea]

I couldn't decide whether this post went in my political or spirituality blog so I'm putting it in my core-self one.

Anyhow... I'm just reflecting on this moment. I'm in one those moments where I am the eye of the storm that is me. Bright, calm, but with all sorts of things swirling around the outside. I wish I could hold onto them longer but I always seem to become the dervish again.

In these moments, I have funny little thoughts about religion. I really do like the core ideas of Jesus, Buddha, Krishna. They're really close to the world I want. "Love and peace, respect others, respect yourself." But.. I suppose I wear my heart on my sleeve in a lot of ways. I get upset with the people who claim these religions as their own but they seem to ignore the parts that I like about them. It really distresses me. So I end up being very angry towards people and I tend to condemn religions because of the way the followers behave which in turn is damaging to my own spirituality because in blanket-condemning those people, I do myself a disservice and am more like them than the prophets they claim to follow.

The followers make it easy to scorn religion and while I appreciate the core ideals of many religions, I don't have any faith in the mystical aspects. I'm pretty skeptical any of their historical figures existed, let alone the miraculous events and so that becomes another piece of contempt for them. I've never been incurious. It's my nature to take things apart and look at them and think about them and put them back together in different ways and break them and rebuild them with fewer or more parts. It isn't inherently malicious. I'm just a tinker.

Yet, when I get frustrated with the ills of the world and I see double-speak from religious people, I get angry and all that tinkering gives me lots of weapons. It makes it even easier for me to respond to hate with hate.

I don't like it, but I don't know what the solution is really. I will not 'grow a thicker skin'. I would rather hurt and be angry and stay awake at night, agonizing over the world and my own shortcomings than become numb and dead to the world. Perversely enough, all my misanthropy is rooted in a deep love of mankind. We are all such beautiful, wonderful, and strange creatures, that it makes me very sad to see so much selfishness in the world. Imagine what all we might accomplish if we weren't so busy fighting each other all the time.

That's what I want. A world where people treat each other gently and reach for the stars. I just wish I were better at living up to it myself.

Comments

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

I only have enough anger for whoever is tickling me at the moment. I'm like a cat. Do not blow on kitty's belly.

[zeeth_kyrah]

(Note to self: no zerberts.)

[ff00ff.livejournal.com]

Well, at least I know how to win any political argument we may get into then. I'll be all "After the revolution genital mutalation of the bourgeoisie must be mandatory." and you'll be all "No, mass beheadings of the worst offenders and force the rest to live in the worst, most overcrowded parts of town that the revolutionary council hasn't been able to restore social services to yet." and then I'll just pull up your shirt and give you a raspberry.