Bibl-babble

6:7 And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the
face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and
the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.

6:8 But Noah found grace in the eyes of the LORD.

6:9 These are the generations of Noah: Noah was a just man and perfect
in his generations, and Noah walked with God.

6:10 And Noah begat three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

6:11 The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled
with violence.

6:12 And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for
all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth.

6:13 And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me;
for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I
will destroy them with the earth.



Umm.. You get the sense that God is psychotic, and schitzophrenic, not to mention a total fuck up? I mean here he is, master of the universe and in barely 1000 years, he feels his greatest work is totally destroyed because flesh is weak and tainted... And who made the Flesh? Hmm. Not just people either. Animals too. Then he goes off and blames his creations for his own failures. AGAIN. He's like that useless manager in a large company that speaks in buzzwords and blames everyone but himself.

Wow. What a loser. Why do people worship him again?

(no subject)

8:21 And the LORD smelled a sweet savour; and the LORD said in his
heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man's sake; for
the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth; neither will I
again smite any more every thing living, as I have done.



Soooo.... How does this fit into The Redemption? Did he have his fingers crossed or something?

I'm starting to wonder if anyone has ever actually read this stupid book. Seriously. This is what people have built their lives around? I can't get two sentences in this stupid book without finding a contradiction, flaw, fallacy, or something blatantly opposite what the conservative right gibbers on about. If you're that hard up for enlightenment, I have a seriously killer enchalada recipe that's far more coherent and meaningful.

PS: What happened to the Raven in 8:7?

Then suddenly...

Out of the blue, God comes up with this great idea! Hey Abraham! I want you to change your name, move to detroit, and hack off part of your weener! I swear! It'll be cool dude! If you love me, you'll do it!

17:11 And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall
be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.



*pounds head against desk* This doesn't make any SENSE! God is like some angsty teen-ager that gets stoned, then goes ape-shit when he runs out of Captain Crunch.

Also, what is Genesis? Is it like the Cliff Notes version of the rest of the book or what?


I remember all these long ass bible stories I read as a child. Where are those? At least those were coherent stories. This is just stupid beyond belief.

Oh My Fudd!

Wow... The whole Sodom and Gomorrah thing reads like a Bugs Bunny routine.

Fudd (God) says, "I'm gonna go slay me some sodomites. Huhuhuhuhuhuh!"
Abraham (Bugs) says, "Tell you what doc... Would you spare the city if you could find 50 righteous men?"
Fudd: Well gee. I guess I hadn't thought of it that way. I guess I'll spare the city if I can find 50.
Bugs: And what if you came up five short? You wouldn't destroy the whole city for the lack of five people would you?
Fudd: Well no... I guess not... That's kinda silly. I guess if I could find 45 people that's just as good as 50.
Bugs: And if it were only 40 you found..
Fudd: Well. I guess you're right.
Bugs: 30 Doc. 30.
Fudd: Right! 30.
Bugs: Now you're talking! Why not make it 20?
Fudd: Geez 20! Why didn't I think of that?
Bugs: Tell you what doc! I'll let you have it for 10.
Fudd: Well... I don't know that's an awful lot. How about 5?
Bugs: Naaaah. 10 Doc. That's plenty. Now I'll tell you want I want you to do... I've got this cousin see... Why don't you send that duck down there to see him...
Fudd: You know. That's a pretty good idea. That's just what I'll do.

After that, Fudd sends Daffy into the city to find the rabbits. Of course, having his own agenda, Daffy first dresses himself as a giant carrot and then, still having had too many righteous rabbits find him, decides to take no more chances and lead them out of the city so there won't be ten honest rabbits in Soddom.

Sleepy

I stayed up until about 3AM reading the bible with the same fascination one generally reserves for gawking at a serious car wreck on the side of the highway. It's really terrible but you can't help but stare, and the whole while be just shaking your head going, "Wow... And some people think this is 100% true and what they should base their morality on?" Worst book ever.

The only thing I've learned so far is that God is possibly a ninja, or at least he occassionally flips out and kills people for no reason. I actually sent that off to the AskANinja.com guy. I imagine he gets thousands of internet fan-mails so it'll probably never get read, but who knows. Maybe he'll like it and use it.

Shamefully though, I admit I'm looking forward to reading more this evening. It tickles that same sort of stupid mirthful place as Beavis and Butthead. Heck, God actually calls himself El Shaddai or something like that in one place and it's got a sound that's way similar to The Great Cornholio.

I am El Shaddai! I need foreskin for my bunghole! Ehehehehehehe!

God and all the patriachs also seem to have this serious thing for 'savory meats' and God snubs Cain (and later Jacob) for bringing him a veggie platter. He also has Noah make him something that sounds like Turduken. What's up with that?

I miss my icons.

*sigh* I should pay for my LJ account again so that I can have more icons again. I miss my icons.

I want to use this as an icon.