I've just been through a disaster.

[pasithea]

No. Not the earthquake. It tried to save me. I mean a disaster of a wholly different nature. It's midterm week at school and our instructor delayed our midterms to get us into a pre-screening of Bee Movie....

Before the film, the ushers came through and made sure we'd turned off all electric appliances. Cell phones were to be ALL THE WAY OFF not just in vibrate mode.

In retrospect, I believe this was to prevent us from calling for help. About 20 minutes into the film the earthquake hit. All the smart people got up and left at that point but we were in San Francisco at the Metreon and it was pretty mild there. Nothing to panic over. Still. They were the smart ones. Not a one of those people came back after the quake stopped. None of the rest of us could leave. I'm pretty sure they had locked the doors by that point.

I won't say the movie was terrible. That would be too kind. Words fail me on just how bad this film was. I can't even properly cut it up and make fun of it. It was just too bad in nearly every possible respect. Whatever the case, it's not a B movie. In fact it's not even a C movie. In fact, I would not C this movie at any cost if you can at all possibly avoid it.

The only good thing I can say about this movie is that the earthquake didn't kill me during it. On the one hand, it would have been a blessed release. On the other, that's not how I would have wanted to spend my last 20 minutes of life.

Comments

[voidheart.livejournal.com]

Sounds like the time Will got us pre-screening tickets for Kull: the Conqueror of Crap. I wanted to gash my eyes out midway through the first five minutes.

As for Bee Movie, yeah, the previews I saw did not lead me to believe "quality" was a word in their dictionary. My condolences :)

[cortezopossum.livejournal.com]

"In retrospect, I believe this was to prevent us from calling for help."

Yeah.. I can see calls going out to 911: Help me! I'm watching the Bee Movie!

[rigelkitty.livejournal.com]

That's what I got just from the animated trailers, I didn't need to actually *see* the movie to go "ew".

The live-action trailer was funny, tho, credit where credit etc.

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

The trailers don't really tell you nearly enough about how bad the movie is. I _knew_ it was going to be bad but it was far worse than I'd imagined.

Letsee. For starters: All the worker bees are male. The 'pollen jockeys' were extra macho wearing flight suits and sporting cleft chins. All of the female bees were stay-at-home moms with beehive hairdos. The hero is of course smallish and he's the only bee with blue eyes.

There are two characters that would be identified as 'black' in the entire film. One is Chris rock doing a caricatured hobo tramp sort of routine as a mosquito. (The character isn't specifically black but is patterned to match enough black stereotypes that people would read it that way) The other is a lawyer for the honey corporations. He's literally onscreen for 2 seconds as a gag during a 'rich white men' bit. (In fact the big moral of the film seems to be 'liberals are stupid') You'd otherwise think he's a continuity error. And let's not talk about the number of actual continuity errors.

There's a few shots that are b*tards humor. (Fat man in a baby stroller sort of thing.) Those are the closest film ever comes to being anywhere near funny. That's how sad it is.

Oh, and let's not start on the 'plot' which goes from stupid to stupider to utterly ridiculous, and a complete and utter failure to understand the way nature functions.

I mean, okay, I GET the ACTUAL story. The whole movie is really supposed to be making fun of all the other CG kids movies, and I'm sure Seinfield fans will find it hilarious because they'd love to believe they're so witty that they're in on the joke. But here's the joke: I got into this piece of crap for free. They'll pay 10 bucks to see it.

It was plodding, dull, tedious, and annoying. Everything I've come to expect from Seinfield but with that extra crappy Hollywood shine put on it.

It's just sad. You can predict every single line in the film coming from a mile away and the BEST, the VERY BEST you can say about this film is, "OH THEY MEANT FOR IT TO BE LIKE THAT!" Congrats people! You've just gone over the heads of your target audience! 6-8 year olds! I must say it takes REAL talent to make fun of a grade schooler.

It was a sad sad sad piece of crap. It wasn't edgy or snarky, it was like listening to a dullard tell what he thinks is a 'funny' story.... for the fifth time.

[lediva.livejournal.com]

As if the previews didn't already teach me I wanted nothing to do with it, all the "NBC Bee Movie Juniors" (~90 second ads plastered ALL OVER NBC for the past few weeks) made me utterly hate this film.

I mean, for fuck's sake, Seinfeld even worked in Bee Movie ads into his HP laptop ad.

I'm not sure I ever really respected Seinfeld, but at least I found him inoffensive. That is no longer the case.

[paka.livejournal.com]

I know that this was a dismal movie and I'd expect "dismal movie" out of nearly any Hollywood CGI thing. I'm curious though, whether the technical aspects of the film were sound; it sure feels like, these days, CGI features are a combination of fairly good animation, staging, and characterization, with plots that are mundane at best.

And I just never got why the Seinfeld thing was supposed to be so great.