Fans

[pasithea]

So. Listening to Star Trek: Defiant podcast. It's a fan-made story, but so what. Asimov was a sci-fi fan writer too. Being a fan doesn't mean you can't write. On the other hand, it doesn't mean you can write.

Anyhow, a lot of the podcast sci-fi things are fan-based or made by people who have day jobs. Good on em... Except I'm really really getting bored with their lack of imagination. Let me run through a few stereotypes that I am sick to death of.

The Little Girl: She's amazingly gifted as a fighter! Though only 12 she can kick every ass in the world! She's perky and cute and men and women both lust for her. She is voiced by a 30-something woman pitching her voice up and cutesy-talking.

The Son: Kids need a hobby, so I'll write my child into my podcast. Sure he can't act, but I'll dump all of my pressure on him metaphorically. The Son is an immortal god, the smartest being in the universe, or the key to everything. BEHOLD THE SPAWN OF MY LOINS!

The Bigoted Christian: He's from a slow backwards world and most of the universe laughs at him because there is no God. He questions his faith and talks to the lord endlessly and people take witless jabs at him. However, when the chips are down, he throws away his hatred of 'different' and sides with his friends... Even if they do make fun of him.

The Wiccan: Nearly everyone else in the universe mocks the Bigoted Christian, but not you. Oh no. That'd be dangerous to your own faith. You, of course are very wise and educated in all religions and you have telepathic powers and you spout bullshit about technology being no different from magic and raise the question that God is just a technologically advanced being or some crap like that. You're also sensitive to everyone's emotions and you are of course brilliant. Not as brilliant as your loinspawn, of course, but brilliant in your own right.

The Polyamorist: You usually overlap with one of the other characters. You're an excuse to say, "OH LOOK! BOOBS!" at every given opportunity and play up that whole "LOOK AT US! NONTRADITIONAL GEEK RELATIONSHIP" thing. You are always well-educated and enlightened and everyone sticks up for you and says you aren't a sexist... Generally just before you say something really sexist.

The Omnisexual: Oh sorry. I keep forgetting and need to be reminded that in the future EVERYONE is Omnisexual. Let's take a shuttle pod out to that comet and have group sex as the sun!

The Sex Construct: You're usually either a gay boy or a cat girl. You're vaguely annoying but immensely useful (generally an engineer or navigator or something) You don't get it on with anyone in the show and everyone feels sorry for you for the past you escaped.

The Non-Cannon: What the Hell are you doing here? You're from some other fantasy world. There are no angelic men with great white wings in Star Trek. If you're going to write something in someone else's world STICK WITH THE RULES. Don't break them because that's what you wank to. If you don't like the rules, create your own friggin' universe. Oh, and since I'm really bitching at your writer here, here's a hint: If you just can't get by without your angel/dragon/vampire/werewolf/Transformer hybrid character, DON'T FUCKING GO ON ABOUT HIM EPISODE AFTER EPISODE. Write him in, maybe mention his differences once if you absolutely can't type with those giant hams you call hands, and then quit blathering about it. It just reminds us what a bad writer you are.


On a related note: Please stop writing your geek conquests into your story. I don't care if you just bought your eighth iPod Suppository or if you loved movie X. Neither will people a thousand years in the future. Don't do it. Save it for your blog.



Now that I've got that off my chest... Am I right or wrong? Sure sure people should talk about stuff that's important to them when they write, and it's not as if Asimov and Arthur C Clarke didn't write their fair share of atheist omnisexuals who get annoyed by christian(like) religious whackos and I'm even a lesbian atheist, so you'd think it wouldn't bug me.

Really though, I'm just sick of hearing the same one story over and over and over again with a very thin veil thrown over it. The entire point of writing fiction is to explore new ideas and take fresh perspectives on stuff; not rehash the same old stuff. Perhaps all of these concepts are new to you, somehow, but please accept the suggestion that they are not.

PS: I really really hate the Non-Cannon. Just quit that entirely please. Create your own world or stick to the rules that someone else created for their world, but don't ham-fist your personal furry into every story. You're the person who made me stop GMing because you insist on playing a sentient Flesh Golem in 1st Ed D&D or something like that, which you have just conveniently made up your own set of rules for. How nice. No. And no were-marmets either. Don't even ask or you'll be rolling on the 'Save Vs Random Damage Table' every turn.


Oh hey! You stubbed your toe on a rock. Roll a D4.

Whoops. Dildo the Dwarf wasn't paying attention when he let go of the tree branch. It snaps back and decapitates you.

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[prickvixen.livejournal.com]

With giant breasts. And yet they can't say anything more than CHU CHU PIKA CHU and somehow everyone understands them