All we are is dust in the wind

My nana died today. :( My great grandmother. All my other grandparents are long dead with the exception of one grandmother that I've never been close to. I loved my nana. She was really the only person left in the family that I did care about. In not-so-many-words, my mother did not invite me to the funeral. "Oh, we don't know for sure but it'll be Monday or Tuesday and it's a small town and she wouldn't have wanted you to waste your money." I mentioned I had severence, that I was working whatever hours I wanted right now and I could come. She gave me more reasons not to.

My family died along with my Nana for me. If it weren't for Stacey, Hazel, and a few friends, I'd be alone now. I don't express it a lot but I love and need all of you guys. I'm not a creature that survives well on its own, no matter how aloof I can be at times. So don't anyone else die on me, okay?

I was going to go to the flea market tomorrow but I don't feel up to it now. I bought a turkey and some butternut squash, got potatos green beans and corn and foods that remind me of her, so that's how I'm going to remember her is by cooking. Stupid, I know, but I don't know what else to do.

It's really been a rotten week.

Goodbye Nana. I love you. I miss you.