Change

[pasithea]

I've been feeling like I was on the edge of some big personal discovery for a while now. I knew that it's about happiness and treating others well and being who I really want to be, and in writing the following comment on a friend's journal answering her question of, "Why are some people jerks?" I think I figured it all out.

Insecurity, of course. Whatever you feel threatened by. It's primitive monkey-brain to ridicule things you fear because you can make them smaller that way and keep the fear from overwhelming you. The more you fear something, the louder you are.

I spend way to much time throwing stones at religion because the religious right scares the shit out of me. They're a group that would like to see people like us eliminated. However, Islam's wording is even more violent towards us but I rarely express opinion on it because it's not the dominant religion here and isn't an immediate threat to my life.

Funny thing is, we all fear the same thing really. Death. For me, death's most likely form (outside health and random chance) is a violent right-winger sort.

However, there's another death out there. A worse one that is more silent and sinister. Not-mattering. All humans fear it FAR more than death. It's the true root of all misunderstanding.

What is God except the belief that we matter?

I've definitely felt envy, contempt, and a bunch of other petty emotions towards the skills/abilities/attention of another. It's only been since I've become more comfortable with myself that those have faded.

And that's exactly the fear that drives a hate for anyone is different. By being different, you're more interesting than the average person. Even if that difference is common and easily quantifiable, it's still a difference. You matter just a little bit more than someone else, and someone else envies that attention.

Of course, the true irony is that we're all different. Even the dullest and most generic person in the world is unique in that he's the dullest and most generic person in the world. No one else has that. The problem is that we're creatures of habit and when we set into a pattern, we stop seeing what's special about ourselves.

Moment of Zen: Love yourself and you will find no enemies but you will make many.

... I think I've identified the secret to life in two words: Break patterns.

I think I'm going to post this to my journal.

I think I can do even better. One word: Change, Grow. Do what all life does. Evolve.

Sounds obvious. There's variants of 'be yourself' in just about every bit of wisdom ever given on how to be happy, but there's that old saying that knowing is not thinking. (Which is also the same as 'Break patterns'. Static vs active!) Really understanding the full scope of what those simple words mean has been escaping me.

Of course, I'll never completely understand it. That's sort of the point of this view, but coming to this sudden understanding of why other people act the way they do gives me some new insights in how to interact more positively with the world.

Now can I follow them? That's an entirely different challenge.

Comments

[voidheart.livejournal.com]

I think you can. You've managed to objectively look at yourself and recognize what's holding you back. Sadly, that's a rare talent. I know the lure of hating the religious and have fallen into it as well from time to time. But everytime I do it, everytime I wade through the same sewage they live in, I come out worse for it in the end. Old truisms always have fresh meaning for folks, such as this one. "Never argue with an idiot, they'll only pull you down to their level and beat you with experience." And if you end up feeling worse about yourself and the world on the other side with nothing to show for it, no positive change, that's defeat in my eyes.

Do what you can, calmly and with love for yourself and sympathy for those that oppose you. The only thing you can be sure of affecting though is yourself. Don't let their plague infect you; rise above it. Easier said than done, I know. But I think you got the chops for it =D

All of the above is written from a guy still struggling along the same broken trail trying to find the path. I don't think there's many in this world that can claim to have kept their feet on it for long, but part of being human is struggle, the journey is more important than the destination, etc. How hard and long we try is what defines us.

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

Internally, I've been in good shape for quite a while now. I feel pretty good about myself. What I've been unable to cope with is external pressure. I am not paranoid. There ARE people out there who would gleefully end my life just because of what I am. What this really gives me is some ideas for how to vent that fear into something that could possibly help me find ways to make some of them less aggressive. Hard to explain but it ties into that post about Henson a few days back.

[voidheart.livejournal.com]

I figured as much. And agression is a good tool sometimes, you just can't let it claim you when it's not needed (and hooboy have I been guilty of that heh).

[dudley-doright.livejournal.com]

would it be horribly nosy of me to ask why the right-wing nutjobs want to murder you in particular?

[dv-girl.livejournal.com]

I don't think most of them really want to murder me but in the past I've had a pretty rough time from some right wing people. Lots of name-calling and threatened violence. A few acts of actual violence, but I've only really felt my life was in danger a couple of times.

There's a couple of reasons. I grew up in a rural state and had friends who were Jewish, Black, and Chinese. Frequently resulted in name-calling and sometimes fights. In highschool, I dated interracially. That caused a lot of aggression too. It probably doesn't help that I'm also areligious.

Funny. The main reason isn't a big secret but I am still always nervous to speak of it to strangers, though I suppose it's much more common these days. In 1990 I got caught by a gang of drunk college boys in rural Oklahoma. ... One of them had recognized me from our dormitory. I fight well, or they probably would have killed me. It's made me somewhat cautious. :/

Anyhow... I had a certain operation about a decade ago. In certain countries (Iran, for instance) could be publicly executed for what I am; A living obscenity with no hope of redemption.

But like I said above, 'eliminate'. Not 'murder'. There are a few violent people who might consider murdering me but they're mentally ill and it's got little to do with religion. Eliminate is different. You can eliminate someone by putting them in a mental institution or prison for the rest of their life. You can deny them jobs, medical care, and police protection. You need not kill someone to eliminate them. That's what the moral majority would mostly prefer to do with my kind. Make us not exist.