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Paul is a Wanker
This starts off light-hearted but rapidly goes downhill. Paul is pretty-much everything bad about christianity. He's all the bigotry, hatred, and misogyny put into modern christianity. So at least now I FINALLY have a word for those people. Rather than calling them christians (and offending the people who actually read the rest of the bible) I'll call them Paulians. It's a shame that there are more Paulians than Christians though. :( Paul is a major dick.
Paul's a wanker. I think I'll twist his words around a little bit and ridicule him .
It's mix and match bible quotes time!
6:7 For he that is dead is freed from sin.
8:6 For to be carnally minded is death
So... Sex is a get out of sin free card! WOOHOO!
8:8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.
Actually Paul is telling us he's a necrophilliac in addition to a latent homosexual.
Speaking of that latent homosexuality, BDSM and adoptions for all who listen to ABBA music!
8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but
ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
Oh goody. Here's the crap about jews not being saved (though you have to read a few lines back to really see this is his meaning)
10:2 For I bear them record that they have a zeal of God, but not
according to knowledge.
10:3 For they being ignorant of God's righteousness, and going about
to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves
unto the righteousness of God.
10:4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one
that believeth.
Man. Paul is a fucknugget. You get the feeling he wasn't even THERE when Jesus bought it? This is clearly the guy that most of the christians I've met are worshipping. Full of darkness, bitterness, hate, and despair. We need to toss this asshat in the dumpster along with Psalms. They're the real dogmatic garbage of the bible.
Ooooh. This explains it.
11:13 For I speak to you Gentiles, inasmuch as I am the apostle of the Gentiles, I magnify mine office
Paul is a wanna-be jew, and like any wanna-be at anything, he totally overcompensates.
I've found the holy grail! Paul is a homo!Metaphorically, of course, we already saw the grail didn't really exist in the stories
16:9 Salute Urbane, our helper in Christ, and Stachys my beloved.
For those not reading along, Stachys is another apostle. He noticably doesn't get a book.
Okay. I'm finally done with the book of Paul and I find.
FUCK!
Another book of Paul! AUGH! BASTARD!
In the second act, Paul seems to be coping better with his homosexuality
2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of
God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them,
because they are spiritually discerned.
2:15 But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is
judged of no man.
In case you don't recognize it, this is that 'man lust for another man' part from the first book of the Pissy Apostle Paul. He's worked on his speech and learned to phrase it better. This is probably a lot closer to what it really ment.
Paul likes the word fornicators. I think he thinks it means adultery given the contexts he keeps using it in. He also calls Zion Sion and makes lots of other errors in names and events.
Paul, again, justifies his homosexuality.
7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for
a man not to touch a woman.
7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own
wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Taken out of context from 7:5 for a laugh.
Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
EEEW! More than I wanted to know about Paul's temptations. Also another example of where Paul uses a word that seems a bit off. Maybe he was a sloppy writer or had a bad translator.
9:20 And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews
WANNA-BE!
In chapter 11, Paul starts waxing heavy on the first real loud misogyny. Misogyny is something of a footnote in the Adam and Eve story or even in Samson and Deliah story but not here. He lays it on hot and hateful. I'm not surprised. Paul is the biggest dick in the whole bible.
Here's some choice bullshit.
11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ;
and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
11:7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is
the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.
11:9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the
man.
What a little ass stain. Someone help me build a time machine so I can zip back and knock his teeth out.
Paul! Patron saint of Texas!
11:14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a
man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?
11:15 But if a woman have
long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a
covering.
Paul, the pretentious wanna-be jew asshat prophet!
13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child,
I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish
things.
More woman-hating.
14:34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not
permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under
obedience as also saith the law.
14:35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at
home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.
14:38 But if any man be ignorant, let him be ignorant.
IT WORKED FOR ME! I'M A'POSTLE NOW! HOOOOOOOWEEEE!
Done... and now...
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT! ANOTHER BOOK OF PAUL THE ASSHAT!
Made it through that one without gouging my eyes out, those it has some more heavy-handed crap in it. 'WAAAAH! PAUL IS SO OPPRESSED BY THE EVIL JEWS!'
and now. ANOTHER FUCKING BOOK OF GODDAMNED SHITBAG PAUL.
The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Galatians
I think I've finally found what's wrong with the bible. The whol problem is this ONE guy. God's a little psychotic and so is Jesus but Paul is a hardcore sociopath.
There should be an Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the people of Succoth, because he definitely went there. He succoth and never returneth.
And another! The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Ephesians
FUCK! I HATE YOU PAUL YOU SHITSTAIN WANNA-BE!
Still yet more misogyny and hate plus he starts talking about how Jesus loved the church. WHERE DID IT SAY THAT PAUL, YOU LYING FUCK?
And now... Paul spews more bullshit in
The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Philippians
And now... Paul continues trying to buy his way into heaven.
The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Colossians
And next.. Another book by Paul. You get the feeling that this would-be prophet and wanna-be jew was a rich yuppie scumbag with a lot of money and connections?
And still yet another book by Paul.
I'm sorta glad they saved the worst for last. I'd never have made it this far in this reading project if Paul was at the front. Just too much bullshit.
And next.... What's that Lassie? Paul is raping Timmy!?!? THAT BASTARD!
The First Epistle of Paul the Apostle to Timothy
Here's some nice misogyny for you Timmy!
2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over
the man, but to be in silence.
2:13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in
the transgression.
And in the second act
2:3 Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier ofJesus ChristPaul.
3:12 Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.
Thanks to you Paul, thanks to you. Because most christians are following you, not Jesus.
And next, Paul hobknobs with some of Roman's highest.
The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to Titus
The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to Philemon
He's a lot more careful about what he says to the Jews.
Ugh. I am glad I'm done with those books!
Incidentally, the stuff I didn't quote from Paul, it wasn't because he had a nice side, it was because he liked to talk a LOT and most of it is very very redundant and dull and full of death and hate and stuff. I just picked the tapeworms from the turds and showed the worst of his contempt.
Paul's a wanker. I think I'll twist his words around a little bit and ridicule him .
It's mix and match bible quotes time!
6:7 For he that is dead is freed from sin.
8:6 For to be carnally minded is death
So... Sex is a get out of sin free card! WOOHOO!
8:8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God.
Actually Paul is telling us he's a necrophilliac in addition to a latent homosexual.
Speaking of that latent homosexuality, BDSM and adoptions for all who listen to ABBA music!
8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but
ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
Oh goody. Here's the crap about jews not being saved (though you have to read a few lines back to really see this is his meaning)
10:2 For I bear them record that they have a zeal of God, but not
according to knowledge.
10:3 For they being ignorant of God's righteousness, and going about
to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves
unto the righteousness of God.
10:4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one
that believeth.
Man. Paul is a fucknugget. You get the feeling he wasn't even THERE when Jesus bought it? This is clearly the guy that most of the christians I've met are worshipping. Full of darkness, bitterness, hate, and despair. We need to toss this asshat in the dumpster along with Psalms. They're the real dogmatic garbage of the bible.
Ooooh. This explains it.
11:13 For I speak to you Gentiles, inasmuch as I am the apostle of the Gentiles, I magnify mine office
Paul is a wanna-be jew, and like any wanna-be at anything, he totally overcompensates.
I've found the holy grail! Paul is a homo!Metaphorically, of course, we already saw the grail didn't really exist in the stories
16:9 Salute Urbane, our helper in Christ, and Stachys my beloved.
For those not reading along, Stachys is another apostle. He noticably doesn't get a book.
Okay. I'm finally done with the book of Paul and I find.
FUCK!
Another book of Paul! AUGH! BASTARD!
In the second act, Paul seems to be coping better with his homosexuality
2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of
God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them,
because they are spiritually discerned.
2:15 But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is
judged of no man.
In case you don't recognize it, this is that 'man lust for another man' part from the first book of the Pissy Apostle Paul. He's worked on his speech and learned to phrase it better. This is probably a lot closer to what it really ment.
Paul likes the word fornicators. I think he thinks it means adultery given the contexts he keeps using it in. He also calls Zion Sion and makes lots of other errors in names and events.
Paul, again, justifies his homosexuality.
7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for
a man not to touch a woman.
7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own
wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Taken out of context from 7:5 for a laugh.
Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
EEEW! More than I wanted to know about Paul's temptations. Also another example of where Paul uses a word that seems a bit off. Maybe he was a sloppy writer or had a bad translator.
9:20 And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews
WANNA-BE!
In chapter 11, Paul starts waxing heavy on the first real loud misogyny. Misogyny is something of a footnote in the Adam and Eve story or even in Samson and Deliah story but not here. He lays it on hot and hateful. I'm not surprised. Paul is the biggest dick in the whole bible.
Here's some choice bullshit.
11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ;
and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
11:7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is
the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.
11:9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the
man.
What a little ass stain. Someone help me build a time machine so I can zip back and knock his teeth out.
Paul! Patron saint of Texas!
11:14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a
man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?
11:15 But if a woman have
long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a
covering.
Paul, the pretentious wanna-be jew asshat prophet!
13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child,
I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish
things.
More woman-hating.
14:34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not
permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under
obedience as also saith the law.
14:35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at
home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.
14:38 But if any man be ignorant, let him be ignorant.
IT WORKED FOR ME! I'M A'POSTLE NOW! HOOOOOOOWEEEE!
Done... and now...
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT! ANOTHER BOOK OF PAUL THE ASSHAT!
Made it through that one without gouging my eyes out, those it has some more heavy-handed crap in it. 'WAAAAH! PAUL IS SO OPPRESSED BY THE EVIL JEWS!'
and now. ANOTHER FUCKING BOOK OF GODDAMNED SHITBAG PAUL.
The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Galatians
I think I've finally found what's wrong with the bible. The whol problem is this ONE guy. God's a little psychotic and so is Jesus but Paul is a hardcore sociopath.
There should be an Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the people of Succoth, because he definitely went there. He succoth and never returneth.
And another! The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Ephesians
FUCK! I HATE YOU PAUL YOU SHITSTAIN WANNA-BE!
Still yet more misogyny and hate plus he starts talking about how Jesus loved the church. WHERE DID IT SAY THAT PAUL, YOU LYING FUCK?
And now... Paul spews more bullshit in
The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Philippians
And now... Paul continues trying to buy his way into heaven.
The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Colossians
And next.. Another book by Paul. You get the feeling that this would-be prophet and wanna-be jew was a rich yuppie scumbag with a lot of money and connections?
And still yet another book by Paul.
I'm sorta glad they saved the worst for last. I'd never have made it this far in this reading project if Paul was at the front. Just too much bullshit.
And next.... What's that Lassie? Paul is raping Timmy!?!? THAT BASTARD!
The First Epistle of Paul the Apostle to Timothy
Here's some nice misogyny for you Timmy!
2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over
the man, but to be in silence.
2:13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in
the transgression.
And in the second act
2:3 Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of
3:12 Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.
Thanks to you Paul, thanks to you. Because most christians are following you, not Jesus.
And next, Paul hobknobs with some of Roman's highest.
The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to Titus
The Epistle of Paul the Apostle to Philemon
He's a lot more careful about what he says to the Jews.
Ugh. I am glad I'm done with those books!
Incidentally, the stuff I didn't quote from Paul, it wasn't because he had a nice side, it was because he liked to talk a LOT and most of it is very very redundant and dull and full of death and hate and stuff. I just picked the tapeworms from the turds and showed the worst of his contempt.
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judged of no man.
What was that about "judge not, lest ye be judged"? Spirituality is no excuse.
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I don't even like calling him Paul. I figure, Saul never really left.
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"Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
EEEW! More than I wanted to know about Paul's temptations. Also another example of where Paul uses a word that seems a bit off. Maybe he was a sloppy writer or had a bad translator.
Meaning shifted. Cut and pasted from dictionary.app:
incontinent |inˈkäntənənt; -ˈkäntn-ənt| adjective 1 having no or insufficient voluntary control over urination or defecation. 2 lacking self-restraint; uncontrolled : the incontinent hysteria of the fans.
2 is clearly the usage, but since this translation, usage has shifted such that 1 is pretty much the only 'live' meaning.
The edition I read of Paradise Lost had a hell of a lot of footnotes explaining usage changes like this, and it was published about sixty years later than the King James. I wonder if a printed edition of the KJV would be as full of footnotes like that?
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Well, you know, he wasn't. Or if he was -- he was on the other side.
no subject
And the books of Timothy are likely Pseudographia, written by ol Tim himself and passed off as Paul's.