The Bottom Line

[pasithea]

Reading straight through the bible gives one a new perspective on many a troubling passage.

Leviticus, for instance, the oft-cherry-picked book of the christian right... No matter which passage they chose, they're always ignoring the most important bit. The bottom line:

Lev 27:34 These are the commandments, which the LORD commanded Moses for
the children of Israel in mount Sinai.

This is more clear reading the entire book in one go but there it is. These laws aren't for everyone. They're only for people who have pledged their allegiance to this God. It doesn't apply to 'pagans' You have to have sworn yourself to Yeehaw in order for these rules to matter to you at all. Some things you're supposed to be killed for (with that same wording as the apple in eden again) but this is a book of gratuitous changes. Those little extra rules about divorce for instance. Nice touch, Jimmah! I'd be willing to bet that in the original texts they're worded exactly the same as every other passage around them. 'It's an abomination and you'll be unclean for some period of time.'

Other interesting things I picked up. 'Abomination'... It means 'risk'. Eat uncooked meat that's been sitting around for 3 days. It's an abomination. Same with pork and shelfish. If you eat it, you're running a risk and you may end up temporarily or permanently unclean because of it.

All the stuff about dealing with plague was really interesting and unlike most of the rest of the book, wasn't terribly repetative. It's little wonder the jews faired better in the plagues of the dark ages than the christians did (and were subsequently blamed for starting them)

For the funniest line in old levity, I nominate:
13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.

Although I'll probably never be able to look at a fundamentalist again and not be tempted to shout, "WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE GOATS!"

God apparently REALLY likes setting goats on fire. That sick little monkey!

I'll pick up with Numbers tomorrow.

So far, this has been pretty darned entertaining!

Comments

[paka.livejournal.com]

Faced with Christian fundies quoting Leviticus, here's what you do;

1. Ask them if they've been around dead bodies, menstruating women, etc, lately.
   
2. If the answer is yes, find the nearest ashtray. (If no, then suggest to them that they're pretty disconnected from reality.)
   
3. Mix ashtray contents with water. Drench fundies.
   
4. Claim that you got the stuff from a blemishless red heifer.

Show me pictures of people having sex with goats on fire. (Specify type of goat.)

[xydexx.livejournal.com]

At the NYC Pride Parade years ago, someone had a sign which read "Don't quote Leviticus unless you've made a burnt offering of a goat lately."