Hippy Girl

[pasithea]

Back during FC, an old man said to me, "You must be a hippy. Only hippies help people.".. He was staggering and having trouble breathing. I hopped out of my car and steadied him and escorted him home.

That statement keeps ringing in my ears. It's something that bothers and puzzles me. I might classify as a 'hippy' but that behaviour definetely predates it. It's how I was raised. Respect your elders, help others, treat others with respect. ... Or is it? Certinaly my parents and grandparents said this. I think perhaps the tale of the good Samaritan is perhaps the only thing I ever took to heart in bible school. TV and movies also projected this image that you should do this. Help others. But for my family and friends as a youth, I never saw them help strangers, only people they knew. Perhaps they did when I wasn't around and they just weren't prideful enough to talk about it as though it made them better people. .. Except that when I was with friends and saw someone in need of assistance, I was nearly always the lead on acting to help them, and I remember a few times of feeling akward or ashamed that my friends and I did not stop to help someone.

That persists through to today. Often I see someone trying to fix their car by the side of the road, or a hitcher and I think, "I wish I could help but I have to be here or there or I can't get over to safely get off the road and assist." and I feel guilty about it, but whenever I can, I stop. Did it again last night. A guy broke down at the exit from Central onto Mary. The woman in the car behind him sat and held down her horn while he tried to push his car off to the side, then she edged around him and sped off angrily. Another guy did the same thing. I pulled to the side, turned on my flashers and helped the guy move his car out of the roadway, then gave him a lift home. I do this a lot. I actively miss living in Santa Cruz back int he early 90's there were always hitchhikers going from UCSC up to San Francisco, and I'd frequently give them rides. I even used to carry a spare helmet on my motorcycle when I was biking so I could give hitchers a ride if they liked.

Since that guy said that though, it's been gnawing at the back of my brain. I don't see other people helping others much. I see rudeness and aggression. As a for-instance, at the super-market the other night, Stacey and I were talking and someone took our things out of the cart we had an literally THREW them into a broken cart, smashing the bananas. Stacey's purse and Dascha's perscription and a few other things were also in the cart. It was definetely not an 'abandoned' cart but one someone was using. It was a deliberate and aggressive violation. Why? Why would someone do such a thing? They couldn't walk to the front of the store and pick up their own cart? I don't get it. :(

What the man said has started putting my whole worldview in question. Was a duped? Am I totally naive? Have I been living a fantasy version of reality my whole life? I'd always assumed other people were like me in that they often wanted to help others but couldn't at a given moment for some reason. It's starting to sink in that maybe most people really don't care about anyone but themselves. Maybe I'm a fool. I don't cut people off in traffic, I am always worried about disturbing my neighbors, I've even forgone putting certain stickers on my car because I recognize while it was something I found amusing, I understand it could have been hurtful to someone else. I'm starting to think I'm in a small minority. This makes me very sad.

Perhaps though, it's part of privledge. My life is different from that of most people. I don't have the same kinds of worries and pressures of say, people working minimum wage and trying to raise a family. I have the time and leisure to be philanthropic. Perhaps I'm just classist, or perhaps I'm being willfully blind to the kindness of others. Certainly somewhere in my head I would like to believe that I'm better than everyone else. I think everyone has that to some degree. Maybe instead of writing about my own generosity, I should instead write when others are kind to me. I remember scant few of those. Then again, maybe kindness is easily forgotten but rudeness is not. Few moments of kindness really stick out in my head but dozens of examples of rude and hateful behaviour are there. Conversely, I can remember very few times I've been intentionally hateful to someone but dozens when I've gone out of my way to help someone. It's definetely something to think about. My subconscious mind would probably like to believe I'm better and different from everyone else, but my conscious hopes that everyone else is like me and I'm just not seeing it.

Comments

[chirik.livejournal.com]

On a related tangent: Reaching for perfection (Thoughts on courtesy) (http://www.livejournal.com/users/collie13/56454.html)

Personally ... I know I'm a bit jaded. I don't tend to give money to homeless, because I know too many of them spend it on a liquid lunch, but ... my dad would take the time to buy them lunch, even spend lunch with them.

[breisleach.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I think there's a little of both, here. I know it's shocked the heck out of people that I use Sir and Ma'am, and, as you said, I've had passengers boggle at how willing I am to be a 'polite' driver and let other people have a chance. So, yeah, basic politeness and courtesy does seem kinda rare, but it's not entirely freaksish or anything, just unusual.

However, I have to say that I'd never help out in a lot of situations you mentioned. I've had it trained into me from birth that, hi, I'm female, you never stop alone to help strangers, or you're setting yourself up to get raped or killed. That might be a selfish response, but it's strong enough that it's not something I can overcome easily. Makes it hard to _get_ help too - I've been pulled over changing a tire, and spending as much time panicking each time a strange guy pulls up beside me and asks to help as I am changing it. Or I can recall traveling with a girl scout troop, being lost, and us being too nervous to stop and ask for directions from construction workers.

Now, some of that is probably excessive paranoia, pure and simple - I know crime rates aren't that bad. But, well, the whole 'better safe than sorry' thing. :/ And I don't think you're wrong in feeling that our society, with it's push to be independant and self made, doesn't really support or reward kindness to others.

And of course, yes, I do think one's own subconcious tends to bias towards self.

[paka.livejournal.com]

I figure most people are just cautious to keep themselves safe (or make sure they get what they want), but I have this sneaking suspicion that most of us don't have anything to give us perspective on what's safe and what's not. I can't place any regional or class pattern to it. My gut feeling would be to say that things have changed so rapidly that old vague guesses about what's safe and what isn't aren't things that help people out at all - so the much touted southern manners (I've never actually seen southerners be innately better behaved than northerners, I think that's just regional pompous discrimination) or the way New Yorkers have this weird sense of community, might not really seem to apply these days.

Does any of that make any sense?

[adequatemagic.livejournal.com]

I suspect a lot of people buy into the lie that they're all alone in the world, never show weakness, it's all about *them*, look out for number one, the hell with you I got mine.

Some people, on the other hand, are just selfish, immature jerks.

I say, continue to fight fire with marshmallows when you can. Help folks because it helps you. Heck, it might inspire the folks you help to help others, and that's how social change actually happens.

Hippie Chick

[awolf.livejournal.com]

I guess it's nice that hippies have a good reputation somewhere. I've never heard that sort of comment before, though.

I'd be cautious about helping someone by the side of the road. I feel guilty too, but I also worry about my safety. :/ Maybe I'm paranoid.

Trickster

[turbinerocks.livejournal.com]

This might be my bias showing through, but I don't think you're duped. You just live in a very populated, very expensive city in California, and there are an awful lot of evil, impatient and petty people in California. Especially when they're in their cars. ;-)

A guy in an intersection took a turn too sharp and got his car hung up on the center island not far from my work. I was in the process of pulling over to help him...but 6 other people had gotten there first, within seconds, pushing the old guy's car off the island and back onto the street, within literally seconds of it happening. When Oregonians worry about "everyone from California" moving up, what you are describing is they're afraid of happening.

(also, calling someone a hippie in PDX is redundant. Hippies ARE PDX ^_^ )

[shizouka.livejournal.com]

I only wish I could be as helpful as that. These days if you're stuck with a broken down car, or fall ill and pass out, you might often be on your own.

There is a lot to be said that America is driven by fear. We have it drilled into us from birth. Don't talk to strangers we're told. Many of these things have their uses, but on the whole we end up pretty neurotic because we kind of keep ourselves in this constant mindset of being on guard against all these things trying to get us.

The rest of it is people whom don't look past the surface to see that someone is having trouble, and might be injured. They only see themselves being late to their meeting, to thier doctor/dentist/hairstylist appointment... and these people are obviously not caring enough to move traffic along smoothly enough or are taking such terrible care of their cars to make everyone late through some kind of indiffrence.

The fellow you helped sounded almost as if he resented being helped by a 'hippie'. Like he always thought hippies were contemptous and never got help before from anyone besides his imediate family. Though being helped by you he really had no choice in the matter. Its good to suprise people with kindness, hopefully he was left with a suspicion that not everyone was cold and uncaring.. or that helping others isn't just for hippies.

There are people besides you that care about others, Often they are stopped by not having time, and more often by not feeling totally safe. That fear creeps in a lot. Please don't feel you can't help others.