Sinners!

The Gospel of Saint Mark is totally plagurized from John the Baptist but isn't as good.

His fig-tree scene stunk.

11:12 And on the morrow, when they were come from Bethany, he was
hungry: 11:13 And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came,
if haply he might find any thing thereon: and when he came to it, he
found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet.

11:14 And Jesus answered and said unto it, No man eat fruit of thee
hereafter for ever. And his disciples heard it.



None the less, I'm afraid I have no choice but to expel both of them from the bible and contact their parents.

The Devil's Hands

So. I'm in Luke now. Better writing and more detailed than the other two slovenly apostiles I had to kick out of the bible, but since I've seen this passage for the 3rd time, I thought I'd comment on it.

11:14 And he was casting out a
devil, and it was dumb. And it came to pass, when the devil was gone
out, the dumb spake; and the people wondered.

11:15 But some of them said, He casteth out devils through Beelzebub
the chief of the devils.

11:16 And others, tempting him, sought of him a sign from heaven.

11:17 But he, knowing their thoughts, said unto them, Every kingdom
divided against itself is brought to desolation; and a house divided
against a house falleth.

11:18 If Satan also be divided against himself, how shall his kingdom
stand? because ye say that I cast out devils through Beelzebub.

11:19 And if I by Beelzebub cast out devils, by whom do your sons cast
them out? therefore shall they be your judges.

11:20 But if I with the finger of God cast out devils, no doubt the
kingdom of God is come upon you.



Looking back, knowing what we know now, can't we refute this reasoning? A man who calls himself a disciple of God has done far more to split the jews from the christians than even Baal (Who by this point, they're calling Beelzebub) was able to do.

Was Jesus working for God or was he a false prophet that lead the people astray? Got me. I think both religions are full of crap, but you have to admit, Christians, sure have murdered a lot of Jews in the name of Jesus.

Luke

Much the same as the first two books but clearly the smart one of the bunch. He changed the order of some stuff to make it flow better and was careful to close a bunch of plot holes and rewrite the olive tree story so it was someone else.

He definitely cribbed from someone else too but I'm going to give him a D- for effort.

I know it'll be the worst grade he's ever gotten and his heart will burn and he'll stalk me but, he should take a lesson from it. A bad grade is character building, and it's better than the other two got.

Saint John

Oooh. Looks like more plothole closings.

This book seems to be filled with stories to match prophecies about the messiah in an effort to prove this is the right guy. It also smells of being written after the fact.

BuuuUUUUt... What's with this kinky gay footwashing scene?

13:12 So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments,
and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to
you?

13:13 Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am.

13:14 If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also
ought to wash one another's feet.


You know, I'd long suspected that kiss that Judas gives Jesus. I think they had a lover's spat, Judas sold him out, then kissed his lover goodbye.

What were a dozen guys doing out in the desert talking about eunichs and how great it was to not be married anyhow?

Cruci-fiction

It's so obvious! I can't believe I've never noticed this before.

From the Jew-hatin' book of Saint John, I bring you a bit of dogma.

19:33 But when they came to Jesus, and saw that he was dead already,
they brake not his legs:

19:34 But one of the soldiers with a spear
pierced his side, and forthwith came there out blood and water.

Jesus hadn't eaten or drank in like two days at this point and he'd had nails driven in his hands and feet and lost blood.

If he were really dead, all his blood would have been settled in his feet. He would barely have bled at all from being pierced in the side.

He was NOT dead when they pronounced him dead.

A roman soldier that had handled lots of executions probably would have known this. One wonders why Judas sold out his love so quickly and suddenly. What if it was all a scam? I mean, he's redressed in his clothes when he's strung up. Easy to hide some stage blood. Certainly the greek plays had death scenes at least as convincing.

The other possibility, of course, is that the writers hammed it up to make it more goth, but the way the book is written, such that it's closing lots of plot holes, one would expect that to be better researched, were it the case.

By the way, reading how he answered questions and the 'miracles' he performed. Compare and contrast with the monk Rasputin. Same kind of charlitan. There are still fakirs performing these 'miracles' today and for the past couple thousand years, christians have been executing them for their crimes.

The book of Saint John is pretty repugnant. All kinds of things have been reworded to make 'The Jews' the villians, yet it was totally God's law. Suffer not a witch to live, worship not false idols, etc. Also worth pointing out there were several earlier would-be messiahs and they'd made things really bad for the jews prior to Jesus and after him too.

Anyhow. Food for thought, no?

Epistle, Apostle, someone's a little Hostile

So here's that other homophobic bit of the bible, once again complete with surrounding text rather than chopped to one line. I'll dissect it in a moment, but first, let's take a moment to review.

Now, we already saw that right-wingers have deliberately misread the passage about Sodom, citing 'bring them out so we may know them' as proof that the sodomites had the gay. However, as we later see in Ezekel, the sin of Sodom is being an uncharitable and mean to strangers in town.

And now, let me summon from my own pantheon, the almighty power of grep. Lo, ye christians, fear grep for he is mighty and will show you the err of your ways.

There are 14 uses of the phrase 'know them' including the Sodom story. About 5 of them dealing with Jesus and children. So is Jesus then a pedophile?

There are 19 uses of the phrase 'know him' many of which are people saying 'bring him to Jesus so they may know him. Is Jesus having orgies with everyone who converts?

So, Sodom is lost. Completely out. It has absolutely nothing to do with teh gay.

I'll give you the Leviticus line about how a man shall not lay with another man, IF you agree to keep all of the other health code rules from Leviticus.

Of course, you can always fall back on the Epistle of Paul the Apostle. Sure, it wasn't said by God or Jesus, it was said by Paul, writing for God, but where do we see his authority in this matter? Isn't he always looking to Jesus for his cues? Why does he make this one strange proclaimation from God and not from Jesus?

Here's the full text along with the surrounding lines:

1:22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,

1:23 And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.

1:24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts
of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:

1:25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and
served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever.
Amen.

1:26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

1:27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

1:28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

1:29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, 1:30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

1:31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

1:32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

2:1 Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.


Okay. You read it once. Read it again. Pay particular attention to 1:29. How many of those words have to do with sex and how many with being mean to one another?

Those two lines stink of something that's been deliberately mistranslated. I suspect they have something to do with adultery.

While not proof positive, let me consult grep again and give you a few statistics.

Adultery: Mentioned 66 times as a no-no.
Whoring: 76 times.
Bear False Witness: 24 times.
Worshipping other gods: 231 times.
Molten 39 times, Graven 55 times.
Thou shalt not kill: 26 times.
Love Neighbor/Stranger: 18 times.
Don't work on the Sabbath: SIX HUNDRED THIRTY THREE TIMES.

If teh gay is so important, why is it only mentioned like twice? That's just not the way things are written in the bible.

More about Paul the Apostle

So. I took an hour and a half off to watch a HD presentation of the nuclear arms testing. High quality film, professionally done full orchestra. It would SCARE THE CRAP out anyone.

Gave me some weird insights into the right-wing end-of-the-world nuts, having just read all this nonsense about God as a pillar of fire and trees of light and stuff.

Nuclear bombs look a LOT like volcanos (which I'm pretty sure is what was interpreted as God in the plagues of Egypt if there was any such event)

Um. Should find the name of that program. The editing and orchestra work is really unsettling. Great show!


After the show, I come back to the bible and find that Paul is yammering on and on and on about circumcision. That boy is totally obsessed with the dick.

That and the other passage. I get the feeling that he's totally flaming gay, knows he's totally flaming gay, and is completely and utterly unable to deal with that.

Paul is a Wanker

This starts off light-hearted but rapidly goes downhill. Paul is pretty-much everything bad about christianity. He's all the bigotry, hatred, and misogyny put into modern christianity. So at least now I FINALLY have a word for those people. Rather than calling them christians (and offending the people who actually read the rest of the bible) I'll call them Paulians. It's a shame that there are more Paulians than Christians though. :( Paul is a major dick.

( Read at your own peril. )

Ugh. I am glad I'm done with those books!

Incidentally, the stuff I didn't quote from Paul, it wasn't because he had a nice side, it was because he liked to talk a LOT and most of it is very very redundant and dull and full of death and hate and stuff. I just picked the tapeworms from the turds and showed the worst of his contempt.