pasithea: glowing girl (Default)
...dreams

I seldom dream. Most of my nights are just black. I wonder if I just don't remember them. Various people have postulated theories that I didn't remember them or that I didn't get enough sleep. Stuff like that. The last few weeks I've had several dreams. I'm left with a couple hypothesis on the nature of why I dream or don't, and it isn't lack of sleep.

It's either that I'm in a phase of careful observation at the moment, and much like someone who considers food utilitarian and doesn't care if it's the same thing they ate yesterday, I think of sleep as utilitarian, so my observation of whether or not I dream is biasing my sample and causing me to dream because I'm actively interested in it. The other likelihood is stress (based on current life situations and common dream content) This one actually seems more plausible becuase I have drempt in the past and often it's related to an issue I'm thinking of at the time but the implication of that is that I've basically been stree-free for 99.8% of the past 5 years. In and of itself, that idea is a bit alarming.

At any rate, recent dreams include: Moving across the country with Stacey to a little place int he woods, moving to the city, living in a filthy apartment crawling with roaches, becoming homeless and being forced to find a home for my cat, knowing that the greasy man I gave her to would eat her but walking away to save myself. Dream about winning the lottery, realizing it's a dream and thinking I can make it real if I can just see the numbers on the lottery ticket and (of course) being woke up by the alarm clock just before I can read the numbers (actually, a series of incidents kept preventing me from looking at the numbers in the dream; probably symbolizing my rational mind saying, 'If you see the numbers, you'll know you're just scamming yourself right now)

A dream about flying. That was sort of interesting. Not in the sense of being weightless or anything, just using physical and mental force to fly. I think this may be my body analyzing skateboard movements. Regardless, it was a fun (if pointless) sort of dream and I'd like to explore it more.

And last night I drempt that I bicycled down a country road to work and after work, I bought a bottle of wine and hid it in a paper bag and sat int he back of the bus drinking it and the bus driver kicked someone else off the bus for drinking and kept eyeing me but I felt paranoid and huddled down behind the seat and ketp drinking. Then some guy started talking to me. I talked to him about my stop motion animation and he revealed that he worked for Nickelodeon and gave me his card, hinting I should call about getting a job. Very weird because 1) I don't want to animate professionally, just do my own thing and 2) from the stories I've heard, Nickelodeon is _NOT_ who you want to work for in the animation world.

So.. I dunno. Strange. Most of these dreams have an oppressive and slightly gritty feel to them. I like that, even though for most people they'd probably be nightmarish. So, whatever the root cause, I hope the persisst for a while. If I've got to waste time sleeping, at least this is mildly entertaining.
pasithea: glowing girl (Default)
So... One of the peculiar things about me. I don't dream much. My unconscious time is like no time passing. I get in bed, close my eyes and then the alarm tells me to re-open them. On the other hand, I can put myself into a mode where I can dream while I'm awake and still otherwise able to function. It's like turning on the TV while you're folding laundry, I guess. Anyhow... Sleep-time dreams are rare for me so I like to make note of them and thing about them.

In program 1 of last night's dreaming, I was a chamber maid for the queen of England. (When I dream, why not dream big?) Except the queen was like Elizabeth but it was in modern times. It was sorta interesting because the role I had in the story was very awed by the queen's presence. My role in the whole thing was pretty boring actually. I followed her around, did was what needed and more or less stood to the side while she handled various affairs of state. ... Okay.. Maybe that dream wasn't so interesting after all.

In program 2 of last night's dreaming, I dreamed that I'd been working too hard and doing too much at school and I went home and went to bed and went to sleep. I woke up to the teary eyes of my SO and a hospital room. Apparently I'd fallen asleep for three months. No one could figure out why. I wasn't drugged, I wasn't in a coma, etc. I'd just fallen asleep and no one had been able to awaken me. It'd apparently been all over the local news and so everyone knew and I was kind of weirdly a celebrity. My job was upset because I hadn't been able to work for the time I was asleep. They'd gone on without me and put someone new in my position. It wasn't certain whether or not I'd get it back. At school everyone referred to me as the girl who'd been dead and I was suddenly really really popular with the goths. Then I woke up.

Hmm. Definetely think I know what the second one is about. I've simply not been sleeping enough. The other... No clue. Maybe its about nothing. I've never been fully convinced on that 'meaning of dreams' stuff. I just find it interesting to think about.
pasithea: glowing girl (Default)
So.... Stacey needed the car so I rode the train today. *sigh* I wish the train were just a little more cost efficient for me to ride it every day that I don't have school. I love riding the train. It's way better than driving. I get to start my morning off with a pleasant walk, and a nice sit where I can daydream or peoplewatch and draw.

I draw people while I'm on the train a lot. I notice two things about that though. 1) I seem to pick people that are getting off at the next stop and 2) I like to draw unattractive people. The first is just amusing. The second is sort of interesting. I guess its because they fascinate me somehow. I always want to ask them to wait so I can finish drawing them but I know I can't. People on the train alone are between worlds. They're not presenting for work, they're not with friends. They're reading or daydreaming. Off in their own place. It's like being back stage. If I told them I was drawing them, they'd switch into presenting mode.
Also, I think I like drawing unattractive people because they're just more interesting to draw. deep crevices of facial lines, bushy eyebrows, nose hair, bald spots, fat rolls. Challenging and different things to draw. Things that make these people more interesting than those with smooth even skin and perfect hair and pressed clothes. not that those things can't be fun to draw sometimes too but they aren't as captivating to me.
I guess part of it is that I live and work around mostly 'beautiful people'. People that have money and are well fed and in good health so their appearance has a certain crispness to it. Also, when you look at someone attractive, you don't wonder so much about them. It's mostly a given that they have a good job, friends, etc. The odd people though. What is it like to be them? What do they do? Where do they live, where do they go? What kinds of things interest them? There's something mysterious and interesting about them and it reflects in their appearance. I wish I understood it better and could explore those stories with my pen.

Maybe I'll try to scan some of these sketches later though most of them are incomplete. Anyhow. More later.

-me

February 2012

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